A Love Letter
Encouragement for Trying Times
You are here for a reason. I know you are confused, angry, and overwhelmed by the pain and cruelty of this place. I know, deep in your being, you wail at the gods. You demand that whoever is responsible be overthrown or get their act together. I know you want more for yourself, your brothers and sisters, for this Earth.
I want to speak first to the part of you who hates it, who is so angry that he must experience such pain, and who feels helpless. Breathe my child. Cry if you like, but know that I am here. We are here. Love, the deepest essence of you, is here. You are not given more than you can handle. You can feel the pain that is here. It won't last forever. It is not your deepest essence. The presence of pain does not make you bad. It will not make others flee. You are not powerless. You are not a victim of the world you see. Nothing is by chance, and where you are is perfect. As you learn to trust yourself and open to life, you will have warm love and safe connection. You will enjoy life so much.
Pain is like the clouds. Your essence is the spacious sky. Remember who you really are. You want to help other people. That's why you're here. The deepest, purest essence you have ever felt is this desire to help. The power and intensity bring tears to your eyes. It's very beautiful. It's also very natural. Just be yourself and enjoy.
You have felt confused and sad, not having received the recognition and value that you needed to feel confident in yourself and your place in the world. Perhaps, friend, you must help the world around you recognize and value some of your most well-developed qualities. Would you say that the world might be better with a little more depth, honesty, patience, sincerity, kindness, and integrity? If I had to pick one quality that I see most strongly in you that I love and that the world needs it would be depth.
The world did not cultivate enough appreciation for these qualities, so I ask you to. Believe me when I tell you that you are a brave being for living. It's an inside-out experience as well. You didn't have to come here. You aren't being punished for past karmas. You volunteered. You heard me calling in the night, and you said, “I will go.”
You often want to know, “What is this pain and where does it come from?” Like many children, you were left alone. Two years old, left at daycare in a foreign country. You felt abandoned. Deep pain, mixed with fear of death. You tried your hardest to exert your agency. You expressed yourself clearly. You cried as hard as you could, day after day. And nothing changed. You had to survive, so some wisdom of the nervous system gave up. You gave up anger at the situation. You resigned. And you figured it was your fault. All your anger at a world that created this painful experience then got pointed back at yourself. And to this day this failure to influence the world at two years old defines much of your life. Defeat covers the raw pain and anger at being left and not having agency.
This fear of criticism is important. Criticism, and failure, are scary because they reinforce shame. They prove that you are not very good, not very interesting, not very successful, not very popular. And yet ironically the fear creates the worst outcome.
I remember one time, you were probably 14 or 15, about to leave the house. Your dad was arguing against some course of action that you thought was a pretty good idea. You said, “Well Dad, you might be right, but I think it's best to live my own life and make my own mistakes.” And he laughed and couldn't argue with that. That's the way. Letting your sense of what is a good idea lead you. Allow yourself to make mistakes.
Beneath the fear of criticism, beneath the shame, beneath the raw pain, there is an alive spaciousness where who you are meets God. Your depth is your ability to know this place and remind your friends of its existence. I'm afraid that many of the Churches of your day have forgotten, though I remind them and some are true lighthouses.
So when you're feeling unsupported or unseen, know that I am here for you. Know the spacious stillness that can lift all your burdens. Great things are in store for you. Your life is going to be so fun, and so full of deep relationships.
I'm sorry things haven't been easy for you, but you're in the gifted class so what can I say? However easy or difficult, I thank you for being present and giving it your best. I love you and appreciate you.
Your truest friend.
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